you told me you liked me.

you used me. 

you told your friends you didn’t care what happened to me, and would hurt my feelings anyway. you said i was just another number to you and even had a bet with your friends.

yes i may be dumb but i am not clueless.

go fuuuuck yourself

I no longer do my schoolwork.

It’s not because I am a bad child.

or because I’m stupid.

It’s because I feel that there is no point school anymore.

There’s no point in anything. 

note to self:

remember theres a reason you’re not anyone’s first choice.

or second.

or sometimes even third. 

so just accept the fact that you’ll always be last. 

the time i was with you was the happiest i’ve been in a long time. that’s part of the reason it’s so hard to get over you and move on because you were such a significant part of my life and the thought of losing you killed me. when i was with you every problem seemed to go away. to tell you the truth, id give anything to get back that time, even go through the hurt again. 

You tease me because you think I’m a tough girl, the one who can laugh everything off. But it’s not what you think.

I’ve been in many abusive relationships, with guys, family, and sometimes even friends. 

I’m not tough. I’m just scared and insecure.

For once, I want to know what it’s like to live just one day without fear of everyone judging me. 

I want to know what’s it like to be recongized. or what it feels like for people to actually care what you do. I want to know how it feels to be listened to and for everyone to care about my opinions and what I say. mostly I would just like the attention for once.

but then again, doesn’t everyone? 

you were the opposite of everything you said you were and were a liar. i put so much faith in you just to disappoint me in the end. you could have just broken it off between us you know? that would save both us of the trouble. thinking back on the past few months i won’t think of the good memories anymore but just how you lied to me. you knew i wouldn’t question you and you took advantage of that. so next time you wonder why someone like me has commitment issues just remember you aren’t as innocent as you think you are. 

I want to tell them the truth.

I want to ask them, “Why can you only see a disappointment and a failure?”

Then I realize it’s better to keep my mouth shut.

I live for them, not myself.

I need their approval. 

When I feel down there’s one thing I do to feel better.

I go online and read other people’s secrets and life stories,it makes me feel better to know I’m not alone.

My friends ask how I can read this “depressing stuff”

Well it’s not depressing if you realize you’re not alone in the world. 

no it wasn’t like a bullet through the head, it was a loong painful death.

the acid ruined his throat the minute he swallowed it. it burned holes in the esphoagus making it impossible to talk. he laid there speechless while his brother tried to figure out what was wrong. 

next it went through the stomach. the drugs plus the stomach acid reacted so much he was throwing up violently but not just food, his blood too. it was the blood that was coming from this throat was coming so forcefully it began flowing out his nose and there was no way to stop it. 

after what little he had left in his body went through the stomach the rest went into his blood stream where it went straight to the heart. there was still so much acid concentration in the blood that it made his heart rate rapidly speed up. his heart rate went higher and higher and higher and higher 

until suddenly it just stopped. 

but when someone asks how he died no one would tell you that. “suicide is what took him” is what they will say. no one wants to tell you the reality of suicide and how it isn’t really a painless death. because no one would want you to know how their loved one spent the last minutes of their life in so much misery.